The “I Will Never Play Miniature Golf Or Do Laundry Again!!” Offensive

Yep, I am back from the dead with more proof that we are one day closer to Armageddon (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if you ask me).

Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure the bible covered the fact that in the last days even miniature golf would become pornographic, which it now officially has:

Ugh.

Now, if I were a feminist or a lesbian or a feminist lesbian I’d be all over that hole! But I am neither of those so I am quite offended by the mere thought of it.

You’re right, I guess it’s not definitive proof that we are in the last days, because since the beginning of time many of the best mini-golf holes have been shaped like giant phallus symbols:

Hooyah!!

Of course, God is a man, no, THE man, so that makes it MUCH less offensive. It even borders on religious, if you ask me. In fact, I’m going to ask the hubs to put one, no, THREE, in the front yard so the Mormon missionaries can admire them when they come by to chat with me about the evils of coffee and not giving them 10% of my bankroll.

What??

You don’t think they’d admire that shit??

Please. My house would become the newest temple around here. They would be begging to do their entire two year missions in my neighborhood!

Anyhoo, having a phallus symbol or three in the landscaping still wouldn’t make up for this sexist crap apparently being added to the labels of men’s clothing now: 

Yeahhh. That would offend even the Lord Himself, I bet!

Don’t worry, though, I made a better version:

I’m pretty sure even Jesus would approve.

:)

Time Tuesday, March 6th, 2012, 10:33 pm   |   CategoryConsumer Offensives, Employment Offensives, Fashion Offensives, Feminist Offensives, Porn Offensives, Reproductive Offensives, Sports Offensives, Stereotypical Offensives  |  RssRSS feed Comments and pings are currently closed.

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12 Comments to “The “I Will Never Play Miniature Golf Or Do Laundry Again!!” Offensive”

    
  2. Mike
    March 7, 2012 at 7:09 am

    That first picture of the golf vagina reminds me of a girl I once knew at a gym I used to go to in toronto. Although the spandex wasn’t green. It was blue. It did have a very similar effect.

    We called her super coug and enjoyed watching her work out very much.

  3. Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity
    March 7, 2012 at 10:20 am

    WTF??? I am most offended, I think, by the wash label.

    Wait, no, I’m offended by every picture in this post. Now I can’t take my six year old miniature golfing. THAT’S offensive.

    • Chelle B.
      March 7, 2012 at 7:47 pm

      I can just imagine that first hole as a mecca for fourteen year old boys lol. I can see them at the fence, staring longingly at it until the manager turns the hose on em.

  4. Brett Minor
    March 7, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Was that a real wash label of some photoshop job? That was really funny.

  5. meleah rebeccah
    March 7, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Holy crap. Those miniature golf photos ARE pornographic!

    An I can’t get over that label in the pants!