The Offended 
No offense, but which one of you came by and left their cooties all over my lovely blog??? I awoke this morning to find Moses himself attempting to part the Red Seas in my sinus cavity and Lucifer, the last twelve Popes AND Hitler all hosting a rave in the back of my throat.
OK, so I kinda brought it on myself by enticing sick and dirty readers (hooyah!), but seriously? Are you trying to kill me??
Ugh!
I knew I should’ve posted this on my sidebar, along with a “no smoking, whining (unless you’re me!) or leaving your demon spawn unattended on my blog” sign:
Meh.
Now excuse me while I curl up in a ball and die.
I hope YOU have a lovely weekend.
OK, that’s not true. I secretly hope you suffer with me, dammit!!!!!
Hey, at least I’m honest. 
Thursday, February 23rd, 2012, 8:15 pm | 
Germ Warfare Offensives, Hygiene Offensives, Medical Offensives, Personal Offensives | 
RSS feed
Comments and pings are currently closed.
February 23, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Oh snap, you have blogger AIDS.
It’s like blog cancer, but you get to keep your hair…
February 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm
Wait for it… Use Norton anti-virus! (rimshot) (ducks hail of rotten tomatoes)
February 23, 2012 at 9:36 pm
That pic, by the way, is all three of my kids at the dinner table every fucking day.
February 23, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Great. I feel great, but now I am worried I will get sick because I came into your corner of the virtual world.
With your 300+ followers, who knows where they have all been. This is worse than participating in a gangbang with Somalian refugees on the floor of a Vietnamese butcher shop.
February 24, 2012 at 6:48 am
I believe this falls under the category “first world problems”.
I’d cry for you but you know, I have my own first world problems
February 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Sorry you’re sick. If it’s the same virus that’s going around these parts, plan on having some form of it for the next 14+ weeks. It’s a real bitch germ.
In other news, my daughter had a field trip yesterday to the Aquarium of the Pacific. A seagull shit on her teacher’s head and my daughter woke up this morning with a sore throat and gravely voice.
Oh the joys of motherhood!
February 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm
Ugh. Feel better soon!