The Offended 
So I’m still at death’s door and no offense, but your intercessory prayers don’t seem to be working. Perhaps if you sacrificed a few chickens or threw your virgin daughters into a volcano for me this being sick shit would end sooner!!
Ugh.
Anyhoo… I had to emerge from my NyQuil-induced coma to post the latest cover of Time magazine for you. Why? Because as an American, it offends me on so many levels and it should offend you, too (well, unless you’re a Canadian or from Greenland, I suppose):
Yeah. I know, right??!!
First of all, as a (mostly) white, Native American (what? I was born here! Plus, my grandma had a thing for drunken Cherokee men. Don’t judge me!) woman, I feel this is not only racist but incredibly sexist, as well.
I mean, come on. ONLY EIGHT WOMEN? WTF, TIME???
OK, so a couple of those guys probably wear Hello Kitty thongs like I do, but still.
And.. Latinos consider themselves white now, but that’s besides the point. It’s still racist.
Worse than all that, apparently THIS GUY is going to help decido the electiono for me???
Really???????????????
Believe me, Jesus (my taco truck guy, not the other one) would never approve of that dude representing for him:
See??
To be honest, I doubt the other Jesus would, either.
Then, to top it off, I find out that THIS GUY ISN’T EVEN A FREAKING LATINO:
That’s right, according to Fox News Latino (hello, again, racism!) apparently he is half Chinese and half “not-Latino”. His last name is Schennum, which I’m pretty sure in German means.. well, I don’t know because I haven’t gotten that far yet on Rosetta Stone, but I imagine it isn’t good!!!
Ughhhhh.
See?? This is exactly why I am happy to take another shot of liquid coma and go. the. fuck. back to bed where I belong.
Forget the chickens and keep your virgin daughters. Just wake me after the election so I don’t miss Armageddon. I’m really looking forward to it.
Maybe by then there will be a Fox News Native Irish Welsh German Caucasian American section.
Hooyah.
Monday, February 27th, 2012, 9:24 pm | 
Armageddon Offensives, Feminist Offensives, Latino Offensives, News Offensives, Political Correctness Offensives, Political Offensives, Racism Offensives | 
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February 27, 2012 at 10:40 pm
I particularly love the one that looks like a Tranny-version of Snoop Dogg.
…yeah, I’m sure HE votes…
February 27, 2012 at 11:45 pm
So, what is their argument? There are so many Latinos that they will prevail or are they predicting that Chicanos are going to overthrow the government?
February 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm
We have the same problem in Canada. But instead of Latino’s it’s east indians and chinese.
And nowadays the only virgin girls you can find are below the age of 10 and geez, let’s just give them a chance eh?
Instead, we sacrifice cows. Just to piss off the east indians.
Burgers are yummy.
February 28, 2012 at 5:06 pm
I think anyone not named “Decido” should be offended. The cover seems to be awfully specific to gaining his attention.
March 1, 2012 at 2:47 pm
I don’t have a daughter, but I will sacrifice a few chickens for you.